Tips for Attending a Speed Dating Evening

So you signed up to attend a speed dating event…now what? (or maybe you’re thinking about signing up)

Many people won’t have experienced this type of dating or environment before, so it’s perfectly acceptable to be thinking ‘How do I make the most of this experience and give myself the best chance of finding love?’. That’s a sensible question, and it’s great that you’re putting so much thought into this.

Here are some tips, based on my experience of running speed dating and singles events in Shropshire!

Decide in advance what you would you like to share about yourself

This is where preparation is your best friend!

The truth is, we all have things we want to share and things we would rather hold back! It would be easy to overshare in a speed dating environment because you don’t have much thinking time between dates. This is why my first advice is to decide on what you want people to know vs what you want to keep to yourself.

Perhaps you’re happy to share

What you do for a living
How many pets you have and what they’re called
Why you moved to Shropshire
What you like to do on the weekend
Why you are attending speed dating

BUT perhaps you aren’t happy to share

Where you work
Your kids names
Your health challeges
Why you live with relatives
Your financial situation

If you start with clear boundaries for yourself as to what you want to talk about when it comes to you, then you will be able to steer the conversation into the areas you are comfortable talking about when it comes to you!

Think about what you would like to ask a potential match

Whilst we have questions on the tables, it is a great idea to have a think about what you would like to ask a potential date.

There are two approaches here!

The first is to work out what your non-negotiables are and to ask questions around these to find out more.

Are they free at the same kind of times as you?
Do they have kids?
Do they smoke?
Do they share some of your core values?
Do they work or are they studying?

The second approach is to ask questions that uncover a more fun side of your date (these will definitely create an interesting conversation)

If you had a superpower for 24 hours, what would it be?
If you had to cancel Halloween, Easter or Xmas, which would you cancel?
What’s your most annoying habit?
If you had £1000 and had to spend it today, what would you buy?
If you could change the law, what one thing would you change?

I recommend a mixture of these but remember you only have 4 minutes at a typical event so make sure you walk away knowing what is important to you!

Think about what would you like to ask your dates?

Whilst we have questions on the tables, it is a great idea to have a think about what you would like to ask a potential date.

There are two approaches here!

The first is to work out what your non-negotiables are and to ask questions around these to find out more.

Are they free at the same kind of times as you?
Do they have kids?
Do they smoke?
Do they share some of your core values?
Do they work or are they studying?

The second approach is to ask questions that uncover a more fun side of your date.

If you had a super power for 24 hours, what would it be?
If you had to cancel Halloween, Easter or Xmas, which would you cancel?
What’s your most annoying habit?
If you had £1000 and had to spend it today, what would you buy?
If you could change the law, what one thing would you change?

I recommend a mixture of these but remember you only have 4 minutes at a typical event so make sure you walk away knowing what is important to you!

Practice active listening!

I am fortunate enough to get to read the comments the attendees make about each other and therefore have a great insight into what puts a person off someone!

Right up there, in the top 10 is ‘Talking only about themselves’ – errrrrrrgh! If you listen to nothing else I have written, take this piece of advice on board. Ask questions! Make it a time of mutual sharing and really listen!

Don’t talk about your ex

This is a big one! AND I promise you it is a big deciding factor in someone’s analysis of whether or not you’re over your ex. They are working out if they’re safe to date you. Are you going to break their heart? Are you ready to date?

Talking about your ex can be a big stinking red flag and can reduce your chance of finding a match at a speed dating event!

Dress to impress those dates

Based on feedback from previous singles events, what you wear does matter! This is dating! First impressions count!

Gents, the ladies have said a nice shirt, smart trousers or jeans and a great pair of shoes hit the spot! Big no-nos have been t-shirts, shorts and sports trainers! A nice pair of Converse is a different vibe to sports wear, so this is just as good!
Ladies, the attendees so far have worn a mixture of smart casual dresses, jeans and a nice top! No one has come along in anything that received any negative feedback, so I think you’re safe with the above recommendations!

You need to make sure you feel confident, so if you’re choosing between two outfits, pay attention to how they make you feel and go for the one that gives you that extra boost!

Finally, on this matter…aftershave or perfume! This comes up time and time again! You’re in close proximity to the person you’re dating so make sure they remember how you smelt…for the right reasons!

Be confident - remember your worth

Dating can cause people to have a wobble! After all, you’re stepping out of your comfort zone and asking people to make a choice as to whether they want to see you again! I get it!

BUT confidence is so attractive! So if you’re not naturally confident, fake it! To do this you need to focus on these two areas!

Body language – When you walk into the venue for speed dating, walk in with your head held high and the confidence of a 5-year-old at a wedding wearing a Batman outfit. Practice! I know it sounds a bit mad, but walk into your lounge with as much confidence as you can! I’m not saying be arrogant – there’s a fine line between walking in confidently and walking in as if you’re on the red carpet expecting gratuitous praise! Say to yourself ‘I’ve 100% got this’ and make your move!
Your words – If you’re anything like me (and most people), you’ll be your own worst critic! So stop it! The words we say to ourselves matter! Check out Mel Robbins on Youtube if this is an area you would like to work on and change! For now, just be nicer to you! Find 5 positive things about yourself and focus on them right before you walk into the venue!

Finally, prepare a playlist to listen to on the way! I used to do this before I went on any dates and it does change your state and make you feel more confident! Remember…you are enough!!!

Keep an open mind

Online dating offers up profile pictures and a few life facts about a person, so we have become accustomed to making quick and somewhat brutal judgments about a person and whether or not we want to date them. If you’re going to do this at a live speed dating event, then you may as well stay home and carry on using dating apps…and get the same results.

You will likely meet a date at a speed dating evening and feel an attraction to someone you did not expect to be attracted to. This is because we have more than facts and a picture available to us in person. How someone moves, their quirks, their smile, their laugh, their sense of humour, their confidence, and dare I even say, their vulnerabilities can be attractive!

So go along with the mindset of giving everyone a chance and a clean slate to see if you get the feels!

Fancy attending a speed dating evening in Shropshire?

If you haven’t signed up yet but you would like to come to a singles event or one of my speed dating events, take a look at what’s coming up in Shropshire and check out my other article with 9 reasons to try speed dating!